At approximately 11:15am this past Monday, the final whistle blew in a 3-2 win for the Cleveland Cobras over Lone Star SA from Texas. That whistle, and that final score, earned the Cobras a national championship in the U17 Premier division of US Club Soccer's National Cup.
Throughout the match I stood where I stand for all matches in which my youngest daughter, Kacie, plays: away from everyone else and off by myself.
I'm not completely anti-social, though my tendencies run that way. It's just that I can't stand most soccer parents. I can't take the sideline coaching or the screams for fouls by parents of opposing players, whining about a Cobra shoulder while their precious and innocent daughter has a clump of Cobra hair in her hand.
I enjoyed the match, the win and the national championship. I was engaged throughout, urging this group of young ladies on. When it was over I shared hugs and fist bumps with the parents who I've grown to love. I thought about how unreal a national championship was, coming just eight months after Kacie and the Gilmour ladies won the school's first state championship at Mapfre Stadium in Columbus.
But while the celebration continued, and while the Cobras lined up for a post game jog toward their jubilant parents on the sideline opposite the Cobra bench, I slowly walked across the pitch and found my daughter to give her a hug. She was easy to find, what with the crutches and the wrapped left knee.
The night before, in an ultimately meaningless match against that same Texas team, Kacie's tournament, and potentially many future tournaments, ended in a collision and in a heap on one of the pristine fields at Grand Park Soccer Complex.
I was sitting off by myself when she went in to challenge a loose ball and attempt a tackle near the 18 line. I HEARD the collision that I assumed was shinguard to shinguard. And then she went down as she often does against girls that are six inches taller and routinely 40 pounds heavier than she is.
And even though she's probably 0-65 in those collisions, she always gets up. She always has, every time but once before when she was tackled from behind and sprained her MCL.
But this was different. This collision came with a fully extended left leg reaching for a piece of the ball, leg locked, left foot now planted. Then there was a a twist off the bigger girl's body to the left with that leg still extended, with that foot still planted in the grass.
This time she stayed down. This time she clutched her left knee and didn't get up despite me silently screaming for her to do so. This time, a trainer sitting 30 yards away sprinted over as I stood up and started walking toward where she was. When he called me over and walked me five yards away I already knew what he was going to tell me after he had examined her knee.
He said, "This is a ligament injury and it's not the one you'd hope it would be if you got to choose." Kacie's ears weren't damaged in the collision and those five yards weren't enough space for her not to hear our conversation.
That's when she started crying.
I've seen my youngest daughter cry maybe five or six times since she escaped the crib. Two of those times were Sunday night in Indianapolis and then again Tuesday when a Cleveland Clinic orthopedist confirmed that she had torn her left ACL and would require surgery.
On Tuesday Kacie will have an MRI to determine if there is damage in addition to the ACL. That same medial collateral ligament or the meniscus may have also been damaged, so we'll find out Tuesday after the MRI and another consult with the surgeon that same day.
This is a brutal injury. Not only for the fact that it requires surgery and then a fitful rehabilitation that will be slow, painful, depressing and everything else, but because it doesn't necessarily come with the same symptoms as other injuries. There isn't a horrible amount of pain or swelling. There's no cast and no brace. The use of crutches is optional, with doctors preferring the patient walk as much as they can in order to preserve muscle tone and strength. These doctors perform the surgery hundreds of times per year, so the knee will be fixed and, with good surgery and diligent rehab, there is a very good chance it returns to full functionality.
But it's as psychologically damaging as it is physically debilitating, and maybe more so.
Kacie is an odd sort. She loves the club soccer scene and the competitive matches, where the best players from multiple cities across the area team up and play other such talented teams. And while the quality of play is unquestionably better in club soccer, Kacie loves playing for her school and with her high school teammates as much as she does playing for her club team.
All she saw and heard Sunday night and Tuesday afternoon was that being taken away.
You only get four such seasons to play for your school and that goes so fast. Some of the girls Kacie has played with for years now are entering their senior season. She wanted desperately to be there with them, as Gilmour moves up to Division II, to continue what they did last season. She wanted to be there for the meaningful matches against Akron Hoban to kick off the season, followed immediately by matches against Walsh-Jesuit and Summit Country Day. And she will be there. But not in as meaningful a way as she had planned.
So that's the "Woe is Me" part of the story. What began almost as quickly as the self-pity was the reading and the learning and the questions. Because after a week of feeling rotten, the focus shifts to what comes next.
Do we replace the ACL with a patella tendon graft from the same, damaged knee or do they believe a hamstring graft is the best way to go? What are the benefits and drawbacks to each choice? If there's additional damage, does it change the prognosis for getting back on the field or do those other damaged ligaments and cartilage heal in the time it takes to rehab the ACL? Is there "prehab" required, in which surgery is delayed to strengthen the glutes and hamstrings and quads prior to going in and fixing the damages or is her current physical condition, ironically the very best it's ever been, optimal for doing the surgery now, without further delays?
What's the requirement for getting back on the field? What does the rehab consist of and what can she expect in that regard? What is the likelihood of another injury given the repairs being made, or does the other knee have a better chance of being damaged? Is there a program we can implement to potentially lessen the likelihood of this happening again down the road?
That doesn't even scratch the surface of what to do regarding colleges who might be interested in this piece of medical history.
For her part, Kacie is already looking ahead and is slowly coming to grips with the challenges she faces. The day after getting the diagnosis confirmed at the Clinic, she was at Gilmour's open field, sitting with the coaches and laughing with them on the bench. That's her place and it's where she's happiest. It's also where she feels an obligation to continue to set standards of commitment for that program.
This is not a "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise" thing. That is complete and utter bullshit. It sucks, and it's hard to watch your kid's passion and knee blown up and not be able to fix a damn thing.
But there can be benefits. If you believe in the axiom that, "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." then you can begin to move forward. Kacie can set a standard of commitment that exceeds what may have previously existed. She can become a better friend, teammate, student and, yes, player as a result of this forced time off the field. She can see formations without having to dribble through them, watch where players prefer to receive the ball without having to get it there and she can see the game from a perspective she'd obviously rather not right now.
What also gives me some solace is the fact her game is not based on ridiculous physical skills. She's fast enough, strong enough and skilled enough, yes. But her game has always been her vision, anticipation and instincts. She scores more often in the box than anyone that size has a right to. In the game preceding the one in which she was injured, against a big, physical team from New Jersey, the game that clinched a spot in the championship match, she scored the opener inside the six by working herself free of the bigger bodies and hammering a one-time shot from the box. Ten minutes later she got to the end line and cut back a beautiful ball after drawing multiple defenders. She found a wide open teammate to give the Cobras a 2-0 lead in a game they would win 3-0.
All I can hope for physically is that her knee returns to the point where it can keep up with her head and her eyes. That those instincts and that creativity aren't done in by a knee that is just late to the party.
But that's on her. Multiple medical/training experts, and I've spoken to probably a dozen in the week since this occurred, have assured me her youth, strength and dedication to rehab will put her right back to where she was.
And that's all anyone can ask right now. A six month, all-in focus on getting back to where she was a week ago. That's a crummy hand to be dealt, especially when she was playing the best soccer of her life. But one way or the other, you have to play that hand.
*Anyone who knows me understands that I deal with things by writing about them. It's how I work through my own trash. In other words, this is more for me and mine than for anything or anyone else.
As I sit here today, my plan is to keep a kind of running diary in regard to Kacie's injury and to update it as I need to and want to. I've long thought about a blog or book or something regarding amateur athletics. From the club scene to the recruiting scene and any and all things in between. The injury piece is, unfortunately, a part of that. And if someone reads it who's been there and can add to or educate me about this injury I welcome it. If someone less inclined to talk about it sees it and finds a comrade in arms (or knees) then that's great too.
If you have experience with the injury and/or the rehab you can reach me at Peeker643@gmail.com
